In the beginning of any romantic relationship, our lover hijacks our brain and all we want to do is spend time with him/her. Our world revolves around them and we do everything with them in mind. But this period of time, known as the "Honeymoon phase", eventually wears off and the relationship "itch" takes over, seeing our partner's flaws and ordinariness bubble up to the surface.
This familiarity with our relationship seeps into our sex lives as well. The hot sweaty sex we used to have three times in a row drops to three times a day, to three times a week, to three times a month and so on and so forth...
So what can we do to bring back the spice into our sex lives and our relationship overall?
Emotional and physical intimacy is equally important in any relationship. Part of a healthy relationship is the possibility of growing as a person in all aspects of your being and that includes sex.
Here are 5 common sex problems and how to work through them:
1. There is a lack of discussion about sex.
In most relationships, it's common knowledge that sex will be part of the relationship, but it's uncommon to talk about how it's going to be done or about our partner's want and needs.
This may have to do with our upbringing, where the topic of sex was considered a taboo, especially those of us who grew up in religion or culture where sexuality is repressed.
What can be done to work through this?
Talk about your needs and wants in the bedroom. To make a relationship work and have a healthy sex life, communication is a must. If there is no communication, a relationship is bound to have issues. Is it easy? Far from it. But this is a critical step on the path to a healthy sex life.
2. One of you has a higher sex drive than the other.
Maybe we have our hormones to blame on this one. Whether its being in the mood for sex right before and/or during your period, or sex in the winter for men, our sex drive may not always be in sync with our partner's.
What can be done to work through this?
As stated before, communication is key to any issues in a relationship. If this is still a challenge, you can think back to the moments when you were having sex often. Is there a way to recreate those moments? Recreating those times can bring back those emotions that your partner had and make them in the mood for sex.
Masturbation is option 2. Some partners may consider this a form of cheating (which is something that must to be talked about), but since when is pleasuring ourselves an act of betrayal to our lover? In contrast, masturbation would make someone less likely to cheat. Getting your "fix" on your own, would make you less likely to seek it outside of your relationship.
Kids are cute, fun and make you smile and laugh with the things they say and do. As adorable as they are, caring for them can can diminish your sex life. Your world that used to revolve around your love has now been replaced by your kids and the last thing on your mind is sex.
What can be done to work through those sapped energy levels?
Send them to grandma's house for the weekend. This will give you alone time with your partner to reconnect and remind you of all the reasons you chose to share your life with them.
Both of you call out of work and do something fun together. This will break you out of the monotony of your daily routine, reducing your stress levels and may just may get you and/or partner in the mood for sex.
4. Comparing our sex lives to what we see in the movies.
We think of movies like "The Notebook" and "Titanic" and fantasize our relationships being like those, always in the throes of passion and heartbreak. Could this be a desire to feel alive? Possibly, but there are actual ways to feel alive in your relationship without the illusory intensity of love and lust that Hollywood films portray. This may be the key to spice up your sex life.
5. Bedroom Boredom.
Just like any routine in life, sex can become automated and make us forget why we do it in the first place. We can get into a habit of doing it to release the urge, but that alone does not add any excitement to the act. You can switch it up with changing locations, addition of sex toys, different sex positions and foreplay. As the poet, William Cowper stated, "Variety is the spice of life, that gives it all its flavor."
Thanks for reading. :)