"I'm not going to pay someone who doesn't know me about my problems."
"The issue is between me and you. Not me, you and a therapist."
These are two of some of the most common excuses people say when considering going to sex therapy or any kind of therapy.
If you ever considered therapy, chances are you may have heard these type of reasons to not go or maybe you have said them yourself.
These reasons are understandable. After all, the only people that really know what is going on are the people involved in the issue.
We then seek advice from friends or family members and all of a sudden they become experts of our situation, telling us what we should do when we know in back of our minds that they don't practice what they preach to us.
So who can we go to talk to about the challenges we face with sex?
This is when seeking a sex therapist can help. Sex therapists are people just like us who have their own personal challenges with sex as well, but the difference is that they have spent a much longer time than we have in studying sex from a research and educational standpoint, something different from our late night Google research that we do for ourselves.
Here are 4 reasons why seeking a sex therapist might benefit you:
1. Talking openly about sex (which is something that is still held taboo in our culture) can be incredibly empowering and life-transforming.
You'll get the chance to talk about sex with someone who will pass no judgement on you and listen to what you have to say about it. Just being open about sex alone with someone else can help release issues with sexual repression or trauma.
There is a caveat to doing this: There may be trauma from the past that will resurface and that can feel terrifying. Any type of sexual trauma that you may have faced such as childhood sex abuse, rape, or other type of psychological traumatic experience revolving around sex may come up.
But it is crucial to remember that the only way out of something is through it. A therapist will not be able to bear your pain with you or for you, but they can help guide you through it and that support may just be the key to releasing the pain from your traumatic experience.
2. You may find yourself talking about things that are not directly related to sex.
How were your parents with you growing up? What ethnicity are you? Were you considered popular in high school? Believe it or not, the answer to these type of questions will give you an understanding of why you are the way you are and as a result, how you behave when it comes to sex.
As the saying goes, "the way we do anything is the way we do everything" (quote by Martha Beck). It may sound cheesy and cliché, but there is a lot of truth to this. Everyone has patterns and predictable reactions to the circumstances in life and once you become aware of them, your whole life can change and that includes the way that you approach sex.
3. You will gain an outsider's perspective on your situation and that can change your own perspective.
Sometimes gaining a perspective from someone else who isn't involved in our situation can allow us to look at the bigger picture of the situations that we face.
Why? Because of emotions.
A sex therapist is not emotionally involved to the issues that we are having and it's so easy to our emotions, which can easily cloud our rational thought about things.
We'd like to think that our friends and family would be great go to people since they know us so well, but the reality is that 1) They are emotionally involved with you. They love you, want the best for you, which can result in biased advise and 2) They don't have the educational and research background that sex therapists have, which can make all the difference in gaining a unique perspective on your situation.
4. It will improve your sex life.
This last reason is ultimately the goal of why we'd seek a sex therapist and could come as a result of the first three talked about. Keep in mind that this goes for single people too. You don't have to be in a relationship to benefit from seeing a sex therapist. We're all sexual beings and we all have the right to reach our highest potential sexually.
For those of us in relationships, it will not only improve your sex life but your entire relationship as well.
It's important to have your partner go with you to therapy. It'll help create a stronger bond with your partner and you'll be able to gain a better understanding of each other and why they behave the way they do and vice versa.
Note: If you believe that your issue may be physical, it's important to visit your doctor about this. Your sex therapist won't be able to resolve this for you.
What if you can't afford sex therapy sessions?
The reality is that therapy can get pricey. Sex therapy and therapy overall can be in the triple digits per hour and that can get quite expensive depending on how long you decide to go for.
Your health insurance may or may not cover your therapy sessions and if it does, the extent to how much it covers may be limited.
An awesome alternative that I have found is Open Path Collective, a non-profit organization dedicated to assisting people to get quality and affordable therapy services. The rates through them for therapists can range anywhere between $30-$50 session, which is much more affordable that the hundreds that other therapists might charge.
This option also makes it easier for you to choose a sex therapist that best fits your needs. Having to pay $100 or more per session to a therapist, might feel like you have to stick with them after all the money you have invested with them. Paying less per session with a therapist gives you the freedom to choose a therapist that you're most comfortable with.
If you're considering seeking sex therapy, we hope that these reasons can help you decide if it'll benefit you. Are there any other reasons we didn't mention that helped you or you think might help someone else to decide if they should seek therapy?
Let us know what you think in the comments section below.
Thanks for reading. :)