It’s amazing how when we’re babies, trusting comes naturally to us. As we get older, our levels of trust become thinner and thinner because of the all the betrayals throughout the years that we’ve experienced from people.
We learn that:
You can’t trust anyone
Trust makes you weak
It’s stupid and naive to trust
I used to beat myself up and tell myself that that’s what I got for trusting people. I placed the blame of being lied to and cheated on by my ex boyfriend on myself because I trusted.
We tend to treat trust as a commodity only giving if we’re receiving, but if trust is strictly being based on rules and conditions, is it really trust?
In a romantic relationship, trust is a gift of faith that you give to someone who you believe is not out to intentionally hurt you and so you let them be who they are without trying to control them.
The root of having trust issues in a relationship really starts with having trust issues with yourself.
It's not so much about what might happen or what someone might do, but rather what would happen to you if that trust was shattered.
We get scared to trust because we think we wouldn’t be able to handle the betrayal. It'll be too painful to deal with.
That's why taking time to be with yourself and self reflect on why you have these fears and hurts can really strength your sense of who you are, your level of trusting yourself and as a result, you'll naturally become more open to trusting others with your heart.
When we know and trust ourselves, it becomes easier to do that with someone else and we also gain the ability to decipher who is trustworthy and who is not.
Not everyone is trustworthy in this world.
By knowing what you want, where you want to go, how you want someone to make you feel, what you will not accept from someone else will make it a whole lot easier to determine who you can give your gift of trust to.
Here ae 3 ways to help you build trust again in a relationship and with yourself:
1. Try to recall the earliest time in your life when you told yourself that you would never trust again.
There had to have been a moment in your life where you had the thought that you couldn't trust someone else.
Try to reflect only on the facts of what happened that led you to believe that people are not to be trusted.
Write down what happened and how you reacted and dealt with the situation.
It may be difficult to trace back to that first moment of betrayal, but comfort yourself in the process.
We can't be cruel to ourselves and expect to grow and change.
Self awareness is key to healing anything in your life.
2. Be honest about your trust issues with your partner.
This one is ironic because trust issues can also stem from not being able to communicate with your partner, but communication is key in any relationship, so it's a must do to start building that trust again no matter how uncomfortable and scary it can feel.
Share with them about your triggers and certain moments where you feel that fear of the possibility of betrayal.
Together, you can come up with a solution on how to deal situations that trigger those feelings of distrust.
3. Acknowledge that you may have had untrustworthy people in your life that contributed to your trust issues.
Trust issues may have stemmed from our childhood where it wasn't so much an experience but rather learned behavior from our family and friends to not trust people.
Realizing this will help you see that trust issues was something given to you not someone "flawed" about yourself.
Or you may have gotten into a relationship with someone who had "red flags" from the beginning, but you decided to continue on with the relationship and ended up shattering your trust later on.
Emotions are strong and can easily take over logic, making us blind to the signs that someone isn't trustworthy. Seeing this can be really hard, but necessary to figure out if you have any patterns in dating that keep you attracted to people who aren't trustworthy.
Dealing with trust issues head on is never easy.
While it's important to communicate with your partner about trust issues, only you have the power to turn it all around for yourself. You can do it. You deserve it.
Once you start to feel a little more courageous in trusting, you'll know you've grown. Not only will it be a little easier to trust others and trust life, but most importantly, you'll be able to trust yourself 🖤.