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An Uncomfortable Truth About Sex Taboo
To this day, I still have moments where I get triggered emotionally on the topic of sex. I think about the traumas I went through around it, the way that I am perceived and treated in the world because of what's between my legs, the space of awkwardness that expands all over the room the moment someone brings up the word “sex” and many more etc.
Was I born being scared of it? After all, I exist because of sex, so why fear the act that's responsible for creating me? It’s one of the most irrational fears we have and most of us don't even see that we have it.
Fear of sex is a universal human problem. It’s taboo in almost every culture out there. I’ve spoken with people who think American culture allows people to be sexually liberated and I can’t help but laugh because I know that that's far from the truth.
We see sex everywhere in advertising and it’s intentionally designed that way because marketers know how to tap into our innermost desires to get us to buy whatever it is that they're selling. And it’s part of human biology to desire sex. If we see it in our advertising all the time, why is it still not normalized?
Because old habits die hard. Very hard.
We don't like change. It's in our nature to want to fit in and be accepted by others and stay the way we are. It's comfortable. It's very difficult to question and challenge something that you believed your whole life to be true.
And what ends up happening when all of a sudden you realize something that goes against what you've always believed to be true? You get a lot of discomfort (aka cognitive dissonance) because your beliefs have been threatened to shatter.
Although our fears lie to us all the time, they reflect a belief within us that say it's true. The fear of sex lies so deep for most of us that we believe that we should and are supposed to fear it. This is why it may take millennia for us to shatter our fear around sex as a whole species and that's a big IF we get there.
This makes me think about the way we treat not just sex, but people who express a great power that is non-conforming and unconventional.
What do Martin Luther Ling Jr., Gandhi and sex have in common?
Quite a lot, actually.
Their power and influence posed a threat to awaken the masses of people to a different way of living, of being. What ended up happening to King and Gandhi? They were killed by someone who felt threatened by their power.
We can’t kill sex because that would mean we’d have to wipe out all of humanity so what did we do instead? We shamed it, called it dirty and instilled fear in people about it to keep them in their place to stay controlled and exploited.
The reason we have so much sex abuse in our society is ironically due to our fear around it. Fear makes us sick. It's our fear that destroys our relationships with others and has become a power for some to dominate and hurt people with sex as their tool, reinforcing the fear of sex to keep them under their control and manipulation.
Fear is the most dangerous sexually transmitted infection there is. It’s so deeply rooted in the psyche of almost every generation before us that’s it’s hard to believe we can actually break free from it.
Maybe the fear of sex is connected to the fear of everything else. Is the fear of sex rooted in the fear of death?
What does it mean to be free of the fear of sex? Could it ever happen ? What does it mean to be free of anything in life?
Only we can answer these questions for ourselves and in the asking is where our power lies.