"Life is Opinion." - Marcus Aurelius
Have you ever taken someone's advice on what to do with your relationship and regretted it? Or maybe you tried it but it confused you even more?
Ever noticed how most people are quick to give you advice on what you should or should not do in your relationship?
Their intentions may be great because they care and they love you, but here is why you shouldn't take anyone's advice:
Their advice is coming speaking from the filter of their own experiences, beliefs and hearsay that have nothing to do with you.
I've been there. I'd call up my girlfriends when I was going through something with my partner and they were always fast to tell me how I deserved better and always sided with me, making me feel better about what I said or did to him.
Did it ever improve my relationship to take advice from someone? Not really and for the following reasons:
1. I just did what I was told without ever understanding why I did it. It may have worked for that moment, but because I could not see the big picture as to why and how it worked, it was easy to fall back to my old patterns and reactions.
2. There's ALWAYS 2 sides or more to a story. Taking someone else's advice never gave me the chance to listen and give attention to the person that I was having the issue with to to understand their viewpoint and how they were feeling about the situation, in this case, with my partner.
While friends and family can be great support and want the best for you, their advice should still be taken with a grain of salt.
Even what I'm writing here should be taken with a grain of salt.
I get it. There are times when we're caught up in a situation where we really don't know what to do and are tempted to pick up the phone or text our friend or sister about what we should do.
What can you do when you're in that situation?
Don't do it!
And instead go to the one guru, hero/shero, teacher, coach, mentor, therapist, leader, parent that can help you and that is:
You're the only person in the whole, wide world that can help you. Even when you're at the lowest point where you feel like you're going crazy (you're not by the way, but it feels like it! I've been there way too many times!) and feel helpless, your power to go beyond it is within you.
How can you go beyond it when you feel like your life feels like it's going to collapse at any second?
Stop what you're doing. Do nothing and WATCH.
Watch what you feel and what thoughts come up. What helps me is to write out what's running through my mind or be in nature like going to the beach and just sit there.
The reason why life situations can feel painful and almost unbearable is because we're trying to fight off what is going on inside of us.
Something outside of us happened, but the pain isn't what happened. It's our story of what happened that is causing the pain, not what actually took place.
What if we could just be with whatever comes up without labeling or judging ourselves?
Think about it. How many articles, therapists, psychologists, books, articles (like this one), workshops, classes, conferences, tv shows, movies, religions, etc. are out there and have been around for decades and we seem to still have problems in our relationships?
Because none of this is the answer. These all have but one thing in common: they're outside of us. We seek these things outside of ourselves and it keeps us in the never-ending cycle of confusion and pain because we were not able to see the one human being that can transform it all:
And the relationship you have a problem in? I'm willing to bet that it's most likely due to one thing: lack of communication.
There's nothing in life that can't be resolved with communication.
Talk it out. Be scared of what you want to say to your partner and say it anyway.
Listen to what your partner has to say. Put yourself in their shoes. Get into their world.
You may be surprised and blown away by what comes out of their mouth.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!!!
Leave a comment in the section below. Thanks for reading. XOXO.